So a friend of mine told me that I should read more of whats on my heart..So here I am. I'm going to start writing and whatever comes out comes out.
My life as of right now, I'm losing one of my nannying jobs but I'm starting a new job at an Assisted Living home. This is just one of the changes in my life. Another one is that one of my best friends dad is passing away soon. He has been struggling with Liver failure for the past two years and has finally come to the end. The past two days I was sitting in the hospital with his family, I couldn't help but wish that I had someone to cuddle up with and cry with. But I don't feel like I have the right do have that. Why should I? It's not my dad dying, even tho it feels like it is. The last memory I will have of him is when I walked into his office a few months back. He wasn't doing to well, and I could tell he didn't feel the best but what did he do? He asked how he could pray for me. This man has such a testimony and a LOVE for God! He has a characteristics of a Godly man, the kind of man that I'm praying God brings into my life. I keep meeting great men, I mean GREAT godly men but I'm still single. I understand that it's okay to still be single and my age I know many people older then me that aren't in relationships. But that doesn't mean I don't wish I was in one. Anyway, make to my memory of him. He was asking me how he could pray for me. He was honesty interested in my requests and my heart of Africa! I love having the feeling of someone who cares for me, and honestly cares about what I want to do with my life.
So I have new life changes, new job, new friends, the loss of loved ones, a new church body and many more things. I can't explain whats going on in my mind right now cause I can't put it to words. I don't understand why I feel the way I feel most days. Nothing on earth is really making since right now. Which is why I'm so glad I have a God who I know is in control of all things. But I still have my break downs. I still feel like people don't like me and I still feel fat and pathetic most days.
So this is just a small piece of my life changes.. I'll keep posting as time goes on and you can get to know me more then you might want to
I think that it's pretty common when someone dies for friends of that person to feel like they don't have a right to grieve because the family of that person is suffering more. But you DO have a right to grieve and cry and be sad. He was your friend, and that is a special and important relationship, and it's heartbreaking whenever a good relationship comes to an end. When my dad and brother died, it comforted me a lot to know that so many of their friends were grieving with me and that they had touched so many people. So please, allow yourself to be sad. It's healthy and it's normal and it's ok. :) Love you and if you ever want to talk about it, you have my number!
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