So many of us want this "picture perfect guy" Well there is a huge flaw in this! We are so busy looking at the flaws in the men in our churches that we ignore the flaws in ourselves. Take me for example, I'm a pretty young believer, I know the Gospel(not the best at presenting it, but I know it.) I'm pretty nice, I enjoy helping people. So I seem like a pretty good Christian lady so now I'm on to finding that good Christian gentlemen. Well, here is my problem, I'm looking for that good christian gentlemen. If I'm looking for him, then am I really trusting God's sovereignty or am I trying to do it on my own? I've realized this week with the help of a friend that I'm not trusting in God 100%. Which means I have a lot of work to do still. Just like I don't want to marry a man that isn't going to lead me with God's word being held first, I don't want a man to marry me if I'm not going to trust in God 100%, submit and love my husband. I don't wish for men to find themselves with a women who isn't fully committed to them, so should I wish myself upon someone if I'm not first and foremost committed to Christ? This I believe is a big problem with Christian women now days. We spend so much time saying that the men of our generation need to man up and be men that we forget that we need to be Lady's of Christ just as much as men to be Men of Christ. We need to be Women of a Meek and Mild heart as much as men need to be Men of Courage. And let me just point out to you what Meek and Mild mean, they mean to be gentle and not easily provoked. Now take a look at yourself, are you this way? So we keep asking, "Where are those Men of Courage?" Well, are you the kind of lady those Good Christian Men of Courage are looking for?
We often spend some much time worried and thinking about finding ourselves the perfect man that we forget to perfect ourselves to be the women that God wants us to be. I'm going to make challenage to all you young christian ladies out there to really step up and think more about your walk with the Lord, and less about how the men in our generation are acting. If we stepped up and started acting like we are supposed to then we could lead by example to the women in the next generation. And maybe if we are acting like Godly young women, then the men around us will be encouraged to be Godly young men as well!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
yeah...emotions... {December 24th, 2011}
It sucks having someone on your mind all the time and being pretty sure that you're not on theirs at all. Maybe the thought, "Wow, she hasn't texted me today" comes to mind but then it leaves.
There is this quote that I loved when I was younger, "How many times do I cross your mind in a day?" "Once, you came in and never left." I think its adorable and I am kinda feeling that way. Which scares me because there are two reasons I am feeling that way one is that I love him but God is still working on us individually. Or the one that is most likely true, I see someone who has good features and I'm letting my emotions go crazy. I guess I won't know which one it is till one of gets into a serious relationship.
Whoever gets this guy better realize how completely blessed she is! And better treat him right and keep him accountable, and keep him in line with his walk! And better not make him stumble. She can't be someone who questions everything he does, but is submissive, a good housekeeper, a loving mother, a homeschooling mother(I think), and a godly women/wife! I hope he doesn't settle for less, which could mean he wouldn't end up with me. And if that's the case, I want to be the best sister to him I ever goould be.
Katharine
There is this quote that I loved when I was younger, "How many times do I cross your mind in a day?" "Once, you came in and never left." I think its adorable and I am kinda feeling that way. Which scares me because there are two reasons I am feeling that way one is that I love him but God is still working on us individually. Or the one that is most likely true, I see someone who has good features and I'm letting my emotions go crazy. I guess I won't know which one it is till one of gets into a serious relationship.
Whoever gets this guy better realize how completely blessed she is! And better treat him right and keep him accountable, and keep him in line with his walk! And better not make him stumble. She can't be someone who questions everything he does, but is submissive, a good housekeeper, a loving mother, a homeschooling mother(I think), and a godly women/wife! I hope he doesn't settle for less, which could mean he wouldn't end up with me. And if that's the case, I want to be the best sister to him I ever goould be.
Katharine
Working {December 23rd 2011}
Last week I started my first real job. I am a Laundry Assistant/House Keeper at HM an Assisted living home. I enjoy the job even though it gets kinda boring in the middle of the night. My co-workers are pretty cool, and I love the residents that I get to see during my hours. Which at 11pm-7am, those kinda bite! My sleep schedule is getting a little messed up! Its like having sleepovers every night, but they are less fun and a whole lot smaller. Oh, and no chick flicks.
But like I sad, I love the residents! They are pretty sweet. One of them cracks me up, I've been told that every time you go into his room he'll ask this one question, "Got a cookie?" Which makes me think of my good friend EMC, who we often call cookie monster. And from other stories I've heard about this resident he is 100% EMC's future! That brings me great entertainment.
Another resident reminds me of this guy named Bill, who is my 'adopted' grandpa who pasted away about or 8 years ago. I think this resident maybe my favorite one. Yes, I've only been there for a week and I already have a favorite resident. I can't really explain him to you. He is just a very sweet old man, that I've fallen in love with after a week.
There are a couple ladies here that I really enjoy, too. I went into one lady's room in the morning and the first thing she said was "oh good, it's a girl." She doesn't let the guy who works night shift help her get dressed because, and I quote "I'm not married to him" I thought that was pretty darn cute. And I totally understand what she means though. BUt yeah there are two ladies that need help getting dressed in the morning. They are both super sweet. So far I've only met the nice residents, I've been told a couple of them can be kinda snappy, but I think they are all pretty nice. Which makes my job enjoyable. I'm hoping that I keep enjoying this job even a year from now. And that this isn't just a new job high. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
Another thing I'm surprised abut with this job is that maybe after a while here I may want to go to school for something medical. Which would be so weird. I said at one point that I'd never work with the elderly, and look at me now. Crazy! Its mind blowing how God changes what I think should be set on my heart.
This job is really a gift from God though. At some point late November my old boss(I use to nanny) told me that she maybe quitting her job soon. And no joke, the night before my dad told me about the job opening at HM. Then, about two weeks before my boss's last day a lady at HM put her 2 weeks in. One week later I started training! I'd have to be completely blind to not realize that was God's hand at work. Oh, and the hours don't get in the way of anything I already do, like church or Bible study. Though yes, my sleeping is getting messed up, I'll get that figured out soon then I'll be set.
While I sit at work I have a lot of free time, too. And that's is when I get to do this! I had so much trouble finding to write up blog posts, but now I have the time to! Yay! So get ready for lots more random ramblings!
Katharine
But like I sad, I love the residents! They are pretty sweet. One of them cracks me up, I've been told that every time you go into his room he'll ask this one question, "Got a cookie?" Which makes me think of my good friend EMC, who we often call cookie monster. And from other stories I've heard about this resident he is 100% EMC's future! That brings me great entertainment.
Another resident reminds me of this guy named Bill, who is my 'adopted' grandpa who pasted away about or 8 years ago. I think this resident maybe my favorite one. Yes, I've only been there for a week and I already have a favorite resident. I can't really explain him to you. He is just a very sweet old man, that I've fallen in love with after a week.
There are a couple ladies here that I really enjoy, too. I went into one lady's room in the morning and the first thing she said was "oh good, it's a girl." She doesn't let the guy who works night shift help her get dressed because, and I quote "I'm not married to him" I thought that was pretty darn cute. And I totally understand what she means though. BUt yeah there are two ladies that need help getting dressed in the morning. They are both super sweet. So far I've only met the nice residents, I've been told a couple of them can be kinda snappy, but I think they are all pretty nice. Which makes my job enjoyable. I'm hoping that I keep enjoying this job even a year from now. And that this isn't just a new job high. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
Another thing I'm surprised abut with this job is that maybe after a while here I may want to go to school for something medical. Which would be so weird. I said at one point that I'd never work with the elderly, and look at me now. Crazy! Its mind blowing how God changes what I think should be set on my heart.
This job is really a gift from God though. At some point late November my old boss(I use to nanny) told me that she maybe quitting her job soon. And no joke, the night before my dad told me about the job opening at HM. Then, about two weeks before my boss's last day a lady at HM put her 2 weeks in. One week later I started training! I'd have to be completely blind to not realize that was God's hand at work. Oh, and the hours don't get in the way of anything I already do, like church or Bible study. Though yes, my sleeping is getting messed up, I'll get that figured out soon then I'll be set.
While I sit at work I have a lot of free time, too. And that's is when I get to do this! I had so much trouble finding to write up blog posts, but now I have the time to! Yay! So get ready for lots more random ramblings!
Katharine
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Truth is Coming Out
I have not read my Bible for about a week. Last Tuesday or Wednesday at Work I studied for a little bit during my break. Now, I'm not saying this to say that I'm a "bad Christian" for not reading, but that I am suffering for not reading. My walk with the Lord suffers greatly when I'm not in His word, or praying for that matter. If you're wondering why it suffers, that's what I'm here to tell you in this post.
Have you ever had a relationship with anyone? I don't mean just a dating relationship but even a friendship. Do those relationships/friendships grow at all if you don't talk to each other or spend time together? No, of course not! You can't build a relationship with someone you don't talk to. Well, that is why my walk is suffering, because I'm trying to keep up a relationship with someone I've been ignoring. Have you ever tried to rebuild a friendship with someone you've ignored for a few months? It's hard to keep the friendship the same. Well, that's what is going on with me. I've been ignoring God for sometime now, so I'm at the point where I need to 'rebuild it'. Not that God is looking at me going, "I don't know if can forgive you for ignoring me." But, that I have to get over my pride and ask Him for forgiveness. Once I do that He will say, "I already forgave you, don't you remember? I sent my Son! He bore your sins on the cross. You're forgiven!" Then when I've swallowed my pride, I can then run into my Father's arms, and continue to build my relationship with Him. While I'm stuck in my pride/sin the Father is patiently waiting, and still loves me. Because, His love never fails.
Now, I'm going to explain what my suffering walk looks like. Right now, because of the lack of relationship(only on my part) with God, I easily get upset with those around me, I'm discontent, depressed, stressed, weak, and over all pretty self-centered. I've been very discontent about a few things lately. One being stuck at home still, I feel like I'm very ready to move out, the other thing I'm discontent about is being single. There is a guy I've liked for around 7 months now, and we are just friends. And I'm beginning to think that's all we will ever be. I'd obviously like to be more, but I should realize how blessed I am to have him even as a friend, let alone a best friend. And if we stay just friends, then that's God's will for me, and He has someone better for me.(Even thou, I don't think there is anyone better for me out there) Because I'm discontent with my friendship with him, I get very short with him, and get annoyed and mad at him over nothing really. Or I read into things, and worst of all I get jealous over every girl he talks to. Which doesn't help my attitude towards him. I feel pretty bad for him, he has to put up with a very moody me. Which I'm sure is no fun to deal with. Yet he does, I'm so blessed to have him as a friend, but my discontent mind of "I'd be happier if I had more" gets in the way. How long is it going to take for me to realize how blessed I am?
Now, as far as being depressed, I'm not totally sure what to think about this. I'm bet it ties back into being discontent. Remember that, "If I had more I'd be happier" attitude? I think it's the biggest cause of my depression. I don't realize how blessed I am to have the things I have, I just look at what they have and what I don't have. Another problem is that I don't want to bother people with my problems so I keep my troubles to myself. Most of the time I don't even give it to the Lord. I act like can do it by myself. I was told that if I really do have depression that I need to start being more active, so soon here I will join a gym so I can keep active and get into shape.
I'm stressed, because I try to do everything on my own. And I simply try to do everything. If someone asks me to do something I will almost always say 'yes!' unless I'm already doing something. Even if I haven't slept all night I'll still say yes. Then on things I don't have control over that are to big for me to handle I don't ask for help or pray for strength and/or help.This makes the stress build up.
Now, you maybe wondering how all of this comes from my lack of a relationship with God. Well, this is why, I am weak on my own. I can't really do anything but Phil. 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strenghteneth me." So when I don't keep my relationship with God up, I start thinking, "I can do this without Him." But I really can't. That's like if I said I would build a well but didn't bring out a shovel. Or saying I could build a house and not bring any tools, it doesn't work.
This has been my life in a nutshell the past couple of months. I've been trying to build a mansion with no tools and with no co-workers (fellow believers). My life has been a lot harder these past couple months then it should have been.
Oh, but do you know one of the most amazing things about my Father? Even though I've been ignoring Hi;, He has still given me grace. He still showed me love and took care of me! My God, Creator, Savior, Lord, and king is amazing! And I am blessed.
Katharine
Have you ever had a relationship with anyone? I don't mean just a dating relationship but even a friendship. Do those relationships/friendships grow at all if you don't talk to each other or spend time together? No, of course not! You can't build a relationship with someone you don't talk to. Well, that is why my walk is suffering, because I'm trying to keep up a relationship with someone I've been ignoring. Have you ever tried to rebuild a friendship with someone you've ignored for a few months? It's hard to keep the friendship the same. Well, that's what is going on with me. I've been ignoring God for sometime now, so I'm at the point where I need to 'rebuild it'. Not that God is looking at me going, "I don't know if can forgive you for ignoring me." But, that I have to get over my pride and ask Him for forgiveness. Once I do that He will say, "I already forgave you, don't you remember? I sent my Son! He bore your sins on the cross. You're forgiven!" Then when I've swallowed my pride, I can then run into my Father's arms, and continue to build my relationship with Him. While I'm stuck in my pride/sin the Father is patiently waiting, and still loves me. Because, His love never fails.
Now, I'm going to explain what my suffering walk looks like. Right now, because of the lack of relationship(only on my part) with God, I easily get upset with those around me, I'm discontent, depressed, stressed, weak, and over all pretty self-centered. I've been very discontent about a few things lately. One being stuck at home still, I feel like I'm very ready to move out, the other thing I'm discontent about is being single. There is a guy I've liked for around 7 months now, and we are just friends. And I'm beginning to think that's all we will ever be. I'd obviously like to be more, but I should realize how blessed I am to have him even as a friend, let alone a best friend. And if we stay just friends, then that's God's will for me, and He has someone better for me.(Even thou, I don't think there is anyone better for me out there) Because I'm discontent with my friendship with him, I get very short with him, and get annoyed and mad at him over nothing really. Or I read into things, and worst of all I get jealous over every girl he talks to. Which doesn't help my attitude towards him. I feel pretty bad for him, he has to put up with a very moody me. Which I'm sure is no fun to deal with. Yet he does, I'm so blessed to have him as a friend, but my discontent mind of "I'd be happier if I had more" gets in the way. How long is it going to take for me to realize how blessed I am?
Now, as far as being depressed, I'm not totally sure what to think about this. I'm bet it ties back into being discontent. Remember that, "If I had more I'd be happier" attitude? I think it's the biggest cause of my depression. I don't realize how blessed I am to have the things I have, I just look at what they have and what I don't have. Another problem is that I don't want to bother people with my problems so I keep my troubles to myself. Most of the time I don't even give it to the Lord. I act like can do it by myself. I was told that if I really do have depression that I need to start being more active, so soon here I will join a gym so I can keep active and get into shape.
I'm stressed, because I try to do everything on my own. And I simply try to do everything. If someone asks me to do something I will almost always say 'yes!' unless I'm already doing something. Even if I haven't slept all night I'll still say yes. Then on things I don't have control over that are to big for me to handle I don't ask for help or pray for strength and/or help.This makes the stress build up.
Now, you maybe wondering how all of this comes from my lack of a relationship with God. Well, this is why, I am weak on my own. I can't really do anything but Phil. 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strenghteneth me." So when I don't keep my relationship with God up, I start thinking, "I can do this without Him." But I really can't. That's like if I said I would build a well but didn't bring out a shovel. Or saying I could build a house and not bring any tools, it doesn't work.
This has been my life in a nutshell the past couple of months. I've been trying to build a mansion with no tools and with no co-workers (fellow believers). My life has been a lot harder these past couple months then it should have been.
Oh, but do you know one of the most amazing things about my Father? Even though I've been ignoring Hi;, He has still given me grace. He still showed me love and took care of me! My God, Creator, Savior, Lord, and king is amazing! And I am blessed.
Katharine
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Attitude
So this morning I was sure I'd spend most of my day crying! BUT, I haven't cried at all today. I visited a new church this morning which I really enjoyed (thought not as much as one of the others, though). We sang one of my favorite songs "Glorious and Mighty", which is a song that even on a normal day would make me cry. But, God placed two adorably beautiful girls in the row right in front of me. They kept looking back at me or just simply staring at me. Those faces made it so easy to not cry! I couldn't help but smile when I looked at them. Then afterwards I went to lunch at a friends house. This was the first time (other then Thanksgiving) that I've had a home cooked meal in a very long time. It was super yummy! Thought I spent most of the day with people, I still had many times I could have just let the past week and all the emotions get to me. But. through God's grace I didn't. I kept an attitude of thankfulness through out the day! And I praise God for that! My day would have been...bad if He hadn't!
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way [you look] at what happens" - John Horner Miller
"the greater part of our happiness depends on our disposition and not our circumstances. " Martha Washington
These quotes make me think of how we choose to be depressed most of the time. I mean, really I believe over half the people with depression are just being 'Debbie Downers" now that doesn't mean all of them are but I know there are some out there. Who just think, "oh poor me, look at how hard my life is." When we (yes I said we cause I KNOW I'm guilty of this from time to time) really have more things to be thankful for then we can count! So this kinda makes me think of a conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine, who just pointed out to me what a lot of my problem was. I simply is that attitude is a big part of everything. If you have a sore attitude your day is gonna stink, if you have a good attitude bad things may happen but your day won't stink!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Heart Breaking
This morning I found out a dear friend of mine past away. I know he is in a better place, he is in heaven giving praise to God. Yet as I sit here on my bed all I can do is cry. And I'm not even crying for his family, but for me. I hate how selfish I am in everything, but here I am crying my eyes... I've even given myself a headache from crying so much. I found out around 9 O'clock this morning and spent most of the morning in tears. Then I went to work where I put a smile on my face for the kids..as I walked away from work I bursted into tears. From there I dropped a gift off at a friends house and yet again bursted into tears as I walked away. From there I drove around town for about 30 minutes trying to think of someones house I could go to, texting people as I drove around...found no one who wasn't busy. Now I'm sitting at home, on my bed wishing I could just disappear... cause I sure feel like I have already. I keep telling myself that the reason I couldn't find someone to hang out with was because I need to trust in God, and have Him help me through this... but I just can't get myself to believe it! Back to me being selfish. I'm not family, so no one is really checking up on me. But I'm close enough to feel complete heartbreak that I don't get to see him! That I never get to talk to him again. That I'll never get to introduce him to my boyfriend(so he can put some fear in the guy).Then I think of the fact that his daughter will never have this either... She'll never have a dad to walk her down the aisle, or give her away on her wedding day.
I wish I could go over to their house to bring them some sort of comfort or encouragement...but all I'd do is cry...and thats not encouraging or comforting. So I will sit here tonight crying, and tomorrow go to church with some fake smile on my face.
I wish I could go over to their house to bring them some sort of comfort or encouragement...but all I'd do is cry...and thats not encouraging or comforting. So I will sit here tonight crying, and tomorrow go to church with some fake smile on my face.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Life Changes
So a friend of mine told me that I should read more of whats on my heart..So here I am. I'm going to start writing and whatever comes out comes out.
My life as of right now, I'm losing one of my nannying jobs but I'm starting a new job at an Assisted Living home. This is just one of the changes in my life. Another one is that one of my best friends dad is passing away soon. He has been struggling with Liver failure for the past two years and has finally come to the end. The past two days I was sitting in the hospital with his family, I couldn't help but wish that I had someone to cuddle up with and cry with. But I don't feel like I have the right do have that. Why should I? It's not my dad dying, even tho it feels like it is. The last memory I will have of him is when I walked into his office a few months back. He wasn't doing to well, and I could tell he didn't feel the best but what did he do? He asked how he could pray for me. This man has such a testimony and a LOVE for God! He has a characteristics of a Godly man, the kind of man that I'm praying God brings into my life. I keep meeting great men, I mean GREAT godly men but I'm still single. I understand that it's okay to still be single and my age I know many people older then me that aren't in relationships. But that doesn't mean I don't wish I was in one. Anyway, make to my memory of him. He was asking me how he could pray for me. He was honesty interested in my requests and my heart of Africa! I love having the feeling of someone who cares for me, and honestly cares about what I want to do with my life.
So I have new life changes, new job, new friends, the loss of loved ones, a new church body and many more things. I can't explain whats going on in my mind right now cause I can't put it to words. I don't understand why I feel the way I feel most days. Nothing on earth is really making since right now. Which is why I'm so glad I have a God who I know is in control of all things. But I still have my break downs. I still feel like people don't like me and I still feel fat and pathetic most days.
So this is just a small piece of my life changes.. I'll keep posting as time goes on and you can get to know me more then you might want to
My life as of right now, I'm losing one of my nannying jobs but I'm starting a new job at an Assisted Living home. This is just one of the changes in my life. Another one is that one of my best friends dad is passing away soon. He has been struggling with Liver failure for the past two years and has finally come to the end. The past two days I was sitting in the hospital with his family, I couldn't help but wish that I had someone to cuddle up with and cry with. But I don't feel like I have the right do have that. Why should I? It's not my dad dying, even tho it feels like it is. The last memory I will have of him is when I walked into his office a few months back. He wasn't doing to well, and I could tell he didn't feel the best but what did he do? He asked how he could pray for me. This man has such a testimony and a LOVE for God! He has a characteristics of a Godly man, the kind of man that I'm praying God brings into my life. I keep meeting great men, I mean GREAT godly men but I'm still single. I understand that it's okay to still be single and my age I know many people older then me that aren't in relationships. But that doesn't mean I don't wish I was in one. Anyway, make to my memory of him. He was asking me how he could pray for me. He was honesty interested in my requests and my heart of Africa! I love having the feeling of someone who cares for me, and honestly cares about what I want to do with my life.
So I have new life changes, new job, new friends, the loss of loved ones, a new church body and many more things. I can't explain whats going on in my mind right now cause I can't put it to words. I don't understand why I feel the way I feel most days. Nothing on earth is really making since right now. Which is why I'm so glad I have a God who I know is in control of all things. But I still have my break downs. I still feel like people don't like me and I still feel fat and pathetic most days.
So this is just a small piece of my life changes.. I'll keep posting as time goes on and you can get to know me more then you might want to
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